Evidence opposing limiting belief

Shelby Cornett

I’m only even writing about this right now because time and again I just seem to be running at full speed right into a brick wall and quite frankly I’m beyond over it, I actually have been for a very long time now. I’ve been learning about the LOA for long enough now to know better than to talk about it/think about it or lack there of. However, like Dr. Conner says in (forgive me for not remembering exactly where) one of the items in the Bonus Material section when referencing creating something you’ve never had, you have some knowledge of what it feels like to have it because you know what it feels like to not have it.

(I’m glad this isn’t class and I’m not having to speak in front of everyone right now because it’s really challenging for me to get through without crying.)

I have been doing anything and everything I could possibly think of for the last 4 years in my attempt to defeat Narcissistic Parental Alienation. I have given this every ounce of energy, effort, financial resource, etc. that I have had at my disposal to only come up empty handed or worse each time. I’ve been working on myself and my negative core beliefs for the last year. My life and many close relationships have suffered tremendously because of the pain I once associated myself with as a result of the NPA. For four years now I just keep hearing the same thing from seemingly everyone, “just hang in there,” “keep documenting it,” “it won’t be too much longer now.” My heart is broke, no matter how much I tell myself it’s not, no matter how many days I can seem to make it through without having an episode of laying on the floor crying as my husband holds me. I don’t know how to let it go. I need to let go, but it’s the last thing on earth I want to do.

The negative core belief that is the biggest block for me to get past is the lack of control, for one. I know consciously that I am the one who creates my reality. However, when it comes to finding evidence to oppose the feeling of “it being out of my hands,” or “having no control over the situation,” it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I won’t continue to fall victim to circumstance anymore.

Another negative core belief that’s challenging to come up with evidence opposing its validity is that “I am not treated justly.” As a child the judicial system, and child protective services failed me miserably thus I grew up in an abusive environment. Which I wasn’t even fully aware of until about a year ago. When it failed me yet again but more importantly it’s not been there to protect my son.

All I want, all I’m asking, is to get my baby back. To have both of my children in my home. My daughter is ten, I’ve had custody of her her whole life. My son is five and his father has done anything and everything he could to push me out of his life. I just want to raise them in a healthy, nurturing environment and for them to not have to recover from their childhood as adults. Any suggestions as to where I could possibly look to reflect upon to find evidence so I can rewrite these unhelpful beliefs would be amazing because I’m beyond ready for a change.

Thank you,
Shelby Cornett

Shelia Thurman, LCSW

My Dearest Shelby,

My name is Shelia. I am a moderator in this form. Dr. Connor trust me enough to hold her beloved students in my hands just as she does. What I say may sound strange sometimes. I ask that you just sit with it and continuing asking questions and sharing. This isn't class so you are safe.

First, I want to tell you that I have compassion for you. I am a mother and have also experienced what some would call a "bad" childhood. Your situation can and will change. Your son is an ancient being, as are you. Our real work in this lifetime is to awaken to the presence of our true selves, our Infinite Self.

As we begin to move away from our finite, temporary, powerless self, we will gain a broad perspective. This broad perspective allows us to experience the Infinite in all things. When this occurs, the pain subsides. We are elevated to a higher vibrational frequency which creates new possibilities.

The solution is spiritual. Therefore our focus must be spiritual in nature. I want you to begin by knowing that you and your son are infinite, eternal, immortal beings. This requires a real commitment to meditation. I know that feels difficult when the ego has us in a tail spin. All negative emotion comes from not seeing the truth. The truth is revealed by seeing through the eyes of your Infinite Self. We must make contact with that true and real part of ourselves. We must!

From this place you can extend your unconditional love to your son. He will feel your strength. He will feel your confidence in his being. You will demonstrate to him the way. That will be your act of mothering for now.

I want you to also begin to affirm his true identity. He is a massive, powerful soul. He chose his parents and this situation for his evolution. We may not understand why but from the spiritual perspective that is true. We find relief in this perspective. And it is the right and honorable perspective. Let us respect him and see his true self. Let us not see him as a victim. Let us help him know his true identity by demonstrating ours.

I know this is a lot to taken in so I will stop here. Ponder what I have said. Get back to me with questions as they arise.

You are much loved

Shelia ♥️

Jessica Connor, Ph.D.

Shelia, such beautiful words you've written in response! I agree that meditation has an amazing and positive impact when we dedicate ourselves to the process. 

I would like to add one thing to this that may sound simple but it is also very profound. "What we resist, persists." I want to be careful here because I don't want you to think for one moment you are doing something "wrong," Shelby. But I specifically want to address your "attempt to defeat Narcissistic Parental Alienation." This attempt to fight this thing that now has a very distinct label could be the one thing that keeps it in place.

You know how the law of attraction works, and it's very much "in your face" physically that it is occurring. But I wanted to inquire as to whether you've ever attempted to "love" this thing for what it has taught you about yourself and your personal power. You've stated that you've "given every ounce of energy" to this fight. And if you've given every ounce of energy to it, do you think that could be the one thing that is keeping it in place? Again, I am not blaming you or trying to make you feel bad about it; I simply want you to take pause and reevaluate your words and where you are placing your energy. Maybe it is time to move forward. let the negative aspects go and shift out of that.  

It may be that you take the course material to realign your energy with a different outcome by changing the way you think about and approach the situation. You can choose to drop some of the labels (big step here!) and embrace all of your learning. Begin to revise the situation in your mind. See your sons father changing his behavior in a more positive way. Envision the outcome with your son that you would like to achieve. Choose to love the situation to diffuse the negative energy you are experiencing, as difficult as that may sound to do. 

From an energetic perspective, you've actually had control of it the entire time....and still do!  I hope you find these words helpful to your journey and that you can begin to see this in a different way. You may be amazed by what happens when you make that shift internally. :) 

-Jessica 

Shelby Cornett

Thank you both for your kindness. Everything that I’ve studied about myself like my astrology chart and numerology report and such all are very on point. For example saying I’m a master manifestor, which of course I’m so aware of after learning about LOA. So Dr. Connor, when you pointed out me saying I put all of my energy into this, which I know I do and that’s what is so hard for me. I’m now aware that currently I’m a celestial being in an earthly body having an earthly experience. So Sheila, when you pointed out that as well so is my son, and to go back to what I was saying to Dr. Connor, I know like know know, I need to let it go but then I get back into this human head of mine and all I can think about is protecting my baby. Honestly, when Winston is with me, you can see his spark and all of the life force radiating around him. That is what I want to protect but because I don’t know how to “let go,” ya know he goes back to his dad’s and I don’t have any idea who that little boy is on the other side of the phone. It’s like watching a movie about a war between darkness and the light.

Like I’m scared that if I let go and move on with my life, if I quit “fighting” for him that he’ll grow up not knowing me, missing out on the life I could have gave him, and thinking that I quit loving him or that this or that or whatever was more important to me than he is. I’ve never had anything or anyone in my life that means more to me than he does which sounds horrible but it’s true. So, yeah I’m lost...

Jessica Connor, Ph.D.

Hi Shelby,

I certainly don't want you to "let go" and move on with your life without your son. It's too close to home and you are obviously a wonderful mother who cares deeply for this child. That protective mechanism will not go away, nor should it!

However, if you're going to put your energy into the situation, why not try to do it in way that feels more positive? For instance, instead of "fighting" for him, why not align energetically with all who are involved? Can you envision an outcome where everyone "wins"? Can you use your heart to love everyone in this situation and see the best for all of them, regardless of what happened in the past? I'm assuming there was a time when you felt positive feelings towards your son's father. Can you find that within you again and use that energy in a way that creates the intended goal? 

I know you can! It only takes letting go of the animosity and the pain (the negative). You have a clean slate to use each and every day. Use that opportunity for your son. Use that powerful, creative energy you have within you to alter the course of events!  

-Jessica 

Shelia Thurman, LCSW

I hear your fear and pain Shelby. I can't tell you how much I understand. Loving Winston too much is not your block. It's not "horrible." I would never suggest letting go of son. I would suggest letting go of all the scary stories you are telling yourself about the future and about what your son may or may not think about things. Those scary stories are the vibrational emittance from your present point of power. Your power to mold the future is right Now. The stories we tell ourselves is everything. The stories are typically rooted in our beliefs. One belief that many of us got from the collective is "goods mother's worry." I certainly had that one. The result is that the kid feels that worry and internalizes it. To break the chain of pain we must demonstrate to our children a new way. The new way is one of aligning with our Infinite Self and trusting. Showing Winston this way of life is probably why he chose you as his mom. It's not an overnight matter. Let's inch along in each new Now. Stop the scary stories. They serve no one or nothing. Hears a good place to start:

"No matter what happens, I know my beloved son will know that I love him."

"I love my son more than anything in the world. When I am feeling that love flow through me, he feels it!"

"For my son's sake, I release all doubt, fear and indecision."

"I trust the process."

"I chose love."

Easy stories like that. Just try, right now, to soothe yourself with softer stories. Your son will see you doing this and that will be a gift to him.

You can do this Shelby. Stories are just thoughts. We can do it! ♥️

Shelia Thurman, LCSW

And I also feel moved to tell you this. I almost lost my son and it was because of advise from teachers like Dr. Connor that I was able to step back and hold my alignment which has resulted in a very wonderful outcome. We are with you. You are not alone. ♥️