Perplexed and confused...what am I missing?

Adrianne Grittani

Hello,

I’m new to the UMM program and this forum and to be honest, I almost opted out of the program as I am feeling more confused and overwhelmed than empowered. But one of the support team members suggested I explore this forum for some guidance and support.

 

My ultimate goal is to meet, fall in love, and share my life with a loving life partner; not to fill a void, but to share the joy of the experience.

 

I’m an attractive, youthful, warm, playful 70 year-old woman, who has lived on my own for the past 20 years, since an unhappy marriage ended, and a number of unfulfilling relationships along the way. I’m happy, content, independent, grateful, positive and have done much personal development work over the years. I have no feelings of lack of confidence or worthiness, fear of rejection or being alone, or many other common issues that I know can get in the way of achieving this goal. And yet, despite continuous personal development “work”,  nothing changes for me. I don’t even meet any men in my day-to-day life these days, especially in my still locked-down city. And a number of experiences with online dating over the years have been unsuccessful and unsatisfying for me.

 

Men that I HAVE dated over the years fall in love with me but I don’t feel the same way, because I don’t feel we connect in the ways that are important to me, and so I end the relationship because I don’t want to settle for something I know isn’t right for me, and would rather be alone than in another unfulfilling relationship. But now, another three years since my last relationship of being on my own and having no opportunities or prospects to meet any suitable men, I am absolutely perplexed about what I am missing that is preventing me from realizing this dream.

 

I understand the power and importance of visualizing and acting “as if”, and truth be told, have spent many evenings dancing to Frank Sinatra in my kitchen with my imaginary partner!

 

I sometimes feel like completely surrendering to what is, and just living my life being grateful for the blessings in my life; giving up on this dream, and just letting life unfold, because honestly, sometimes it feels like a full-time job, doing so much personal development learning and manifestation techniques, and seeing no changes. And yet that thought makes me sad and I can’t really believe my Divine Inner Being wants that for me as I know I have so much to offer.

 

I apologize for the length of this post but wanted to include enough background info to rule out some of the common issues that I don’t feel are my experience. I would welcome any guidance, insight or advice that would help move me towards my ultimate goal. Thank you so very much.

Jessica Connor, Ph.D.

Hi Adrianne,

Welcome to the forum! I'm very happy to have you here. :)

The first thing I thought of when reading your post was to ask if you've clearly defined what qualities you would like to have in this partner you are manifesting? In other words, can you feel who this person is? You've already mentioned that you're skilled at attracting men into your life, so we know well that you can create that experience. Now, we want to clearly finetune the type of man you would like to attract. What are some of the characteristics he has? What qualities does he possess? Begin writing these things down and add to them as you think of more. This will help you become very clear on what it is that you are creating. 

In knowing that you have the ability to create the experience, you already have a good reference of how you do that. Now add in the ingredient that we also tend to manifest the qualities that WE possess. If you can begin to FEEL who this person is that you are bringing into your experience, ask yourself if you are also embodying those qualities. Or, how could you begin to embody those qualities more? Are you taking care of yourself in the way that you would want a partner to take care of you? I love the dancing to Frank Sinatra in your kitchen comment! How can you begin to love and nurture yourself in this way even more? 

Now, let's move past the "how" this will happen. It doesn't matter if there is a lock-down, or if it seems as though there are limited ways to meet this person. Your job in the manifesting process is to tune into what you want and then allow it come into your life. This statement: "I sometimes feel like completely surrendering to what is and just living my life being grateful for the blessings..." rings truth  (minus the "giving up on this dream" part). When manifesting and acting "as if," there is no "longing for." There is knowing that it has already been energetically and spiritually created; that it is already so. In that, there is a surrendering; there is knowing; there is gratitude; there is peace. 

In all of the wonderful things you have already created in your experience, did it feel like a full time job? When it showed up in your life, were you efforting for it? Your Divine Inner Being desires what you desire - it only wants you to line up with it and allow it to happen as a physical experience. It is my belief that you have this desire because you are already experiencing it on another level - an energetic and spiritual level. This is why you want to create it in physical form! It's closer than the air you breathe. You can feel it. And in knowing this, you can know that you have the ability to experience it physically. 

At the risk of being redundant, I'm going to post the same video for you that I did in the last post. I immediately thought that it would help with both questions. The Universe is funny like that! :)

Please let me know if this helps, or if you have further questions!

-Jessica

Shelia Thurman, LCSW

Good morning Adrianne. Welcome to the forum. Your question will serve to help many on the forum. Thank you.

Here are some things to keep in mind. The most important is to know in your knower that everything is comprised of energy. There is nothing in all the universes that is not energy. When a desire is born it is immediately given. Your companion already exist in an energetic form. For the manifestation to show up in the physical world we must be a vibrational match to it. Remember it's attraction, attraction, attraction. What I hear in your question is spilt energy. Things like, "nothing changes for me," I don’t even meet any men in my day-to-day life," I am absolutely perplexed," "I can’t really believe my Divine Inner Being wants that for me." These feelings are the magnet that brings to you things that match. What do you feel about this situation? Disappointment, frustration, hopelessness, doubt, overwhelm, excitement, joy, anticipation, etc.? What you think, which creates the feeling state, will bring to you more of the same. It's not uncommon to have spilt energy as we are honing our manifestation skills. It is a process. There are a lot of things we must unlearn. The course is designed to helps us unlearn or reprogram what is subconsciously blocking us

I suggest lots of self soothing and affirmations. These two skills must become second nature. Also when we use them we must feel in our bodies the little shifts that happen. Sometimes we say the words but they don't stick so we concluded that they aren't working. We must reach for affirmations that stick. Start general.
Things like:

-Everything is working out even if my eyes tell be different.
-It is all okay.
-I trust the Universe
- My Inner Being "wants" nothing, it just is. It holds a vibration of love and gratitude for me."
-Today I am in alignment with love"
-I am a lover of all things."
-Things are always working out for me."
And on and on...

Write down the affirmations that work for you. Keep them handy. When doubt shows up, pull out your list and feel the affirmations. Don't stop until you feel the shift in your body. It will feel like letting go, a deep breath will happen, muscles will relax and usually a little smile will happen.

Whatever you do, avoid "working" or "effortling." These are creators of resistance. Play, have fun. Know that your desire already exists. Relax, feel the joyful anticipation and gratitude. This requires self talk, imagination, letting go, visualization, loving everything you see. You are certainly on the path Adrianne. You are a powerful creator. Create the emotions of satisfaction and love. Fear not, your man is on his way and he has no choice but to show up when you consistently conjure up those feelings. We are all here to master our vibrational state.

You are doing great in life. Stay in the present moment. The past is over. Remember that what we think and feel today is what we will experience in the future. You got this. I know you do.

I hope this is helpful to you. Please keep us posted as you continue to progress. You are an inspiration to us all.

Shelia ❤️

Adrianne Grittani

Hi Jessica and Sheila,

Thank you both so much for your quick and insightful replies. Sheila, I didn’t know you were a part of this program. I have come across your work online and have bookmarked many of your YouTube videos. It’s comforting to be supported by both of you.

 

Jessica, to answer your initial questions, I am very clear on the kind of man I want to share my life with, and have come close to settling a few times for men who didn’t possess some of the qualities I value, but ultimately knew it would be a mistake. And just a correction, I’m not really “skilled at attracting men into my life”. The only men I ever meet or interact with are ones I’ve met on online dating sites but this has been a disappointing pursuit for me.

 

You both offer much to consider and important reminders, and I appreciate your personalized replies and advice.  I’m generally very happy, positive and aware of my energetic vibration, but I think lately I’ve been feeling  particularly discouraged, especially since turning 70 this year and I haven’t met my beloved yet; as though I’m some kind of anomaly the Universe doesn’t know what to do with, because I feel like I’m doing all the right things, and have been for so long. So I occasionally have lapses where I feel a little sorry for myself , and that’s why I guess the more “longing” and “split energy” feel is coming across, and I know that’s completely the wrong thing to do.

 

Jessica thank you for the 5D Reality video. I often fall asleep to your Love Affirmations one. And Sheila, thank you for the affirmation suggestions.  I’m feeling better today than I did yesterday when I first wrote in. Today is a new day and I’m excited at the prospects of what lies ahead for me. Thank you both so much for your wisdom,  kindness and support. It means so much to me…really! I will keep you posted on my journey to love. 

Adrianne

Jessica Connor, Ph.D.

I love to hear of your clarity! Just to clarify from my end, my comment about being skilled at attracting men into your life may have come across poorly (from my end). My intention was to point out that you already know how to create that type of interaction easily, even if you find it currently disappointing. You know how to create the experience. And it sounds as though you would like to create something a little more organic. Even more clarity! :) 

We all have moments of feeling discouraged and I'm so happy that you're feeling better today. Please let us know if you have any questions or need some support! I look forward to hearing more about your progress and success!

Adrianne Grittani

Thanks so much Jessica. I definitely will.