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Stay-in or Stay-away?

Heidi Munn
edited April 2021 in Relationships
Is there a point where we decide to Stay or Go (with a family member we don't live with)?

I've been reading through these Forum posts and I end up feeling 50/50 about it. 
And, something tells me that either way I go, it is perfectly fine!  (i.e., The Universe does not have a preference...it just serves up my predominant vibration?)

50% - I can put my energy into visualizing & imagining that I feel good around a person that is quite toxic and unsupportive, that I don't even like.  I cannot seem to convince myself that there is an up-side to this.  (I don't eat liver because I just don't like it, and feel no need to imagine that I do.)

or

50% - I can finally decide to walk away and put my energy into visualizing & imagining my fantastic life.  BUT in all honesty, I know that a ton of my energy is still feeding the guilt and shame.  And in addition, I have to spend a considerable amount of energy re-directing my thoughts and feelings about situations with them.  It feels like I'm trying to turn the Titanic around.

Is there some magical litmus test, where I'll finally know what to do?  
I know that the lack of clarity is an energy-drain as well.
This question itself consumes a ton of brain energy, and I seem to get nowhere with the topic.

Thank you!

Comments

  • Heidi Munn
    So I decided to free-style write because my confusion over this topic is just so energy-consuming.  And, what came up for me, for now, is that the real problem may be that my real feelings about this person (based on experience) are not at all congruent with my programmed belief system.  All of the Norman Rockwell beliefs that I learned throughout my life ("You must love X; you must listen to X; X knows best; you must respect X"; etc.) are completely out of alignment with my actual experiences with X.

    1.  Is it possible that changing my beliefs to match my actual experience would help to unblock me?  (For example... I don't like liver, and I have no belief that says I should... thus I have no trauma about liking liver or not.)  What if I really believed things like "I don't have to love people that neglect me" and "I don't have to respect people that hit me"... etc?  

    2. The "How to clean up past memories & emotions" process seems to target specific events.  But, what about complex PTSD, when the entire foundation of our childhood life is awash with trauma and neglect?  Are there exercises that address this more complicated form of trauma?  Do you think that a very general intention like "my entire being releases all trauma" would suffice?

    I'm guessing that I'll have more thoughts and questions about this topic.  :-)
    Thank you in advance!

  • Jessica Connor, Ph.D.Jessica Connor, Ph.D.
    edited April 2021
    Hi Heidi,

    When I read your first post, your words impacted me in a very energetic way. So, I will go on my intuition to offer you my response. 

    When reading option #2 on that first post, I did not like the feelings I created within me. They didn't feel so good. Option #1, however, felt more promising. Let's take that option and work with it a bit. 

    I've stated before in this forum that seeing someone differently, for me, gives me different results. So if visualizing feeling good around this person doesn't seem to feel quite right to you, do you think there is a chance that you might find some value in revising the way this person speaks to you, treats you, behaves towards you?  Can you imagine putting this person on the stage of your life and handing them a new script? (A script that you have created for them that renders a positive experience.) And then watching that person read and enact that script over and over, at your direction, until they get it just right? Sometimes it's even helpful to bring in a few others on your stage for supportive roles - people you trust and have a mutual and loving relationship with. Let them assist you during your visualization by helping this other person get their script just right. 

    This person is playing a role in your life to show you or teach you something. You may even find that asking them (during visualization) what they are trying to teach you in this lifetime is beneficial. It may even be possible that on another level, an energetic and spiritual level, that the two of you agreed to help each other grow in your physical form. And it could be that you actually have a loving and caring connection beyond that. Do you think that spiritually this is a possibility? (I do.)

    I know it may sound simplistic, but revision really is a powerful tool. I can tell you from personal experience how amazingly well it works. In fact, it may really surprise you. 

    In doing this, you can begin to let go of some of these conflicting beliefs you're wondering about. This is not to say that there isn't still some hurt that you feel. (And I do believe that the specific exercise you have mentioned will assist with this.) However, maybe RE-vision would be a good start before moving on to that process. You can use that exercise as a way to finalize any remaining negative feelings that might come up for you.  

    Worth a try, dontcha think? :)

  • Heidi Munn
    Thank you Jessica, I appreciate your thoughtful response, and I do understand your perspective.  

    Honestly, I'm more confused than ever.  I think I need to step back and perhaps "go general" for a bit.
  • Shelia Thurman, LCSWShelia Thurman, LCSW
    I like Jessica's answer to your question. It was helpful to me! I've had to do that work many times with people (family) in my life. It works! I have some relationships now that I need to do some love and forgiveness around. My practice is to use the mantra, "everyone is just where they are. We are all doing the best we can do." Since I now know that everything around me is a reflection of me (my thoughts and feelings) I try to find the playful place of gathering information via these people about me. Sometimes I'm just not spiritually fit enough to do that and my vibration drops drastically. I get caught in the momentum of what I do not want. When that happens, I do not judge myself. I smile at myself. I know that I am learning and growing. However, I often have to create space so that I can re-calibrate. Sometimes it is as simple as going to the bathroom to breath and to remind myself who we all really are. I remind myself that there is just "One" of us and we are all connected for the same purpose. That being expansion. Knowing what I do not what launches an energetic desire of what I do want! The Universe answers that desire. The practice is to not get caught up in other's drama and to stay centered in your own script. Relationships are the most fertile soil available for grow and expansion. Thank you for the question and thank you Jessica for your response. With a smile and a giggle, I will continue my practice!

    Shelia ❤️
  • Jessica Connor, Ph.D.Jessica Connor, Ph.D.
    edited April 2021
    Hi Heidi,

    I agree with Shelia that we sometimes need to create space to re-calibrate. (Thank YOU, Shelia, for your lovely and gentle words of wisdom!)

    My intention with my response was to give you an additional exercise for your toolbox that you may find beneficial, when you are ready. In the meantime, a few questions come to mind that I find helpful to ponder when I'm feeling as though I don't know what to do, or that I may not have the power to create something intentionally:

    1. Do I believe that I create my reality?
    2. Do I believe that my outer, physical reality is a reflection of my inner workings?
    3. Do I believe that my inner workings can be changed to create a new experience of my outer, physical reality?
    4. Do I believe that viewing/visualizing something differently can change my inner workings and, therefore, my outer, physical reality?

    Of course, my answer to all of these questions is "yes" as I've proven to myself that this is so. I then look back at what I've created in my life and dissect how I did that. This helps me reach within to remember that I do have the power to change any experience. 

    As Shelia said, we are all on this journey doing the best we can do. I applaud you for the work you are doing to intentionally create these changes in your life! If you are feeling confused or overwhelmed, I believe "going general" is a great way to re-center.

    -Jessica


  • Heidi Munn
    Thanks to both of you!  I really appreciate your time and input and views, which are very helpful!
      :-)

    I agree the 4 questions are 100% "yes" - always.  Period.  I believe I'm creating my reality, and what I see now is part of my on-going feedback loop.  I know I need to address something, but I don't have clarity about an outcome I truly want.  And, there are other variables as well.  I'm frustrated that I've already changed my "Big Goal" 4 times in 11 days!
  • Jessica Connor, Ph.D.Jessica Connor, Ph.D.
    It's perfectly okay to change your "Big Goal" as many times as you wish! In fact (and we may have already discussed this), maybe the "Big Goal" is to have more clarity on what it is that you truly want to create in your life. Have you worked with the process I previously suggested in the Manifestation Action Plan? I believe that will greatly assist you with this.

    Remember that you have all the time you need to work with these processes. There is no rush. You are exactly where you need to be at any given moment. 

    If you have any questions about that process, let me know!

    -Jessica 
  • Heidi Munn
    Yes!  :-)   You gave me that info and I started the Manifestation Plan...but stopped it.  This is embarassing... it was quite upsetting to me!  My brain felt fuzzy and I kept reading and re-reading some questions.  I usually love these kinds of worksheets, so this is very strange.  I just could not continue.  I don't recall ever feeling so "stumped" by an exercise like this!  

    I'm going to take a look through some more of the meditations and see what speaks to me for now.

    Thanks again!
  • Jessica Connor, Ph.D.Jessica Connor, Ph.D.
    edited April 2021
    Maybe that stumped feeling is just a little resistance from your subconscious beliefs. In knowing how determined you are with this work, I also that you have the power within you to use your conscious mind to override those little subconscious layers. Meditation is a great way to get in that "zone." 
  • Shelia Thurman, LCSWShelia Thurman, LCSW
    Dear Heidi, here is the most important piece for you to truly get in life. Everything is composed of Energy. Absolutely everything! When we get this at a cellular level, how we live and look at life changes. The Law of Attraction states clearly that we attract that which matches the vibrational energy, or vibrational frequency, we are emitting. We are a magnetic field. When we get this at a profound level nothing is more important than how we feel. Our thoughts immediately produce our emotions. That emotional energy is what attracts to us like energy. We must truly and deeply understand that.

    When I feel upset, embarrassed, frustrated, angry, hurt, sad, or any other unwanted negative energy, I am attracting to myself more things or people that match those feelings. The same goes for positive emotions. This is the mechanics behind all creations. When enough energy is focused in any direction, what is in that direction materializes. Nothing, absolutely nothing is more important than how you feel.

    Now that said, I hear you struggling with various aspects of this course. I want to remind you how important it is to to be easy and light with this course. Don't take it too seriously. That will work against you. Be playful with it. The course is your for life. It consistent of an enormous number of tools. It's okay to skip a particular process that you create frustration around. Continue with the course processes. Play with the ones that feel fun and exciting for you. You can always swing back to the parts that originally caused upset. Find the tools that work easiest for you. The other tools will be easier the next time around because you will attract to yourself that which is easy. There are tools in the course that I found frustrating. I moved on and later find those same tools very helpful. I took it easy. I dropped the seriousness that I originally start with. Now that I understand how it all works I focus primarily on what feels fun and good. Be gentle with yourself as you begin to be a deliberate creator. Your emotional state is everything. When you feel frustrations, pivet. Turn to something else. Practice that which feels good. There are many aspects of this course to focus upon. You have a lifetime to play with it. Have fun with it.

    Your commitment to this process is outstanding. You are doing a great job. Keep asking questions as you hone in to the frequency that materializes your desired manifestations. You are much loved.

    Shelia ❤️
  • Heidi Munn
    Thank you both for the reassuring pointers and support!
    I really appreciate the time and thoughfulness you put into this; I really do take it to heart and let it settle in!
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