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Focusing only on the wanted

Lorraine Trundell
in Relationships
This is my first post and I'm not sure how best to begin.  I have already worked through your newest course 'Reinvent Yourself' which I enjoyed but (I hate using but!!) but I didn't see any shifts in my outer world.  I am now working my way through the UMM course which I've only just started a couple of days ago but I just keep doubting that I'm ever going to get want a truly want.  

I have been learning about the Law of Assumption for months now and my focus is on a specific person.  I truly feel like I've done everything possible with no visible results.  I have done the classic thing of finding and following (and paying for) different coaches.  I have worked on my self concept, which if I honest I didn't think was that bad until I found LOA and then it almost made me believe I was broken and had to go looking for, and fix, everything that was wrong with me because nobody could love if if I didn't love myself.  You hear a lot about "you have to give it to yourself first before anyone can reflect it back to you".  I do love and respect myself, I think I'm a good person, I'm kind and loving.  The kind of love you feel when you are with another person (a couple relationship) is a different kind of love you feel for your kids, your family, friends, etc.  I don't know how to 'give' that to myself and be satisfied with it.

I really wanted to avoid the word 'struggle' but that's how I feel and I know that's therefore what I'm creating.  I am stuck in a loop of knowing exactly what I should be doing, I am doing it intelligently/robotically.  As in, I am repeating affirmations, scripting, revising, reading my new self image out loud 2-3 times a day, I'm working on myself, I go general if I feel resistance when thinking about my specific person.  I am just not 'feeling' in my body that what I am affirming, scripting, thinking is truth.

I have used guided meditation, I sit in at least 15 minutes of silent meditation every morning before I do anything else, I have a routine that I follow which involves saying affirmations in my head as I start to wake up (still snoozing), then I do my 15 minute silent meditation in which I repeat "I am", then I read my self image out loud and my revision, then I script my day.  In the middle of the day I re-read out loud affirmations and my self image/revision.  At bedtime I re-read them again, visualise/affirm, listen to ask-formations recorded in my own voice overnight.  I will also use guided meditations (like the ones that come with the UMM course) before bed or throughout the day if I have time.

I use silent meditation to help me notice my thoughts and let them go - this practice has helped my mind throughout the day.  I monitor my thoughts/self-talk.  If I catch myself thinking unwanted thoughts I will talk to my own subconscious re-direct and re-affirm.

I just don't seem to be able to feel happiness, gratitude and joy for already having my desire and I know that it's because I want to 'feel' that so much that it's keeping me in that place of lack/wanting rather than having.  I've watched your YouTube videos and as I said I am working through the course and I know the delay is being caused by me and my doubt that I will never get this.  Which I then immediately correct to say of course I'll get it, I already have it.  But it feels like I'm just saying it like a robot and that's what I've been doing for months.

I've had other manifestations where I have been 'testing' the law but the minute it's something I truly want - my relationship, money, etc I can't seem to get to, or sustain, the feeling of having it.  Even some of the stuff you've mention in this course I have already tried like timeline and the crossing of arms and legs (I even paid for someone to do this with me).

Everyone always says you don't need to believe your affirmations just that your thoughts create and once you affirm enough the feeling will just come - I have been affirming for months the same things for self concept, my person, my situation.  I believe in the law and know that it work.  I understand if you can create what you don't want you can definitely create what you do want.

The odd thing is I've revised the past (that which we consider the past) and I don't really revisit that at all now which is great.  My thing is the circumstances now (today), which I know is still the past but I am living in this 3D world and I know I am creating this to continue because I am focusing on 'this' do I am getting more of 'this'.  I find myself getting caught int he time it's taking, or going to take, and the 'how'.  

I know that the 'smaller' manifestations, my 'testing' of the law is supposed to help me build faith.  I have faith, those manifestations aren't bring my joy and gratitude, they are bringing me frustration.

I have worked out that I have significant people in my life that when something happens they literally just 'disappear' and it's like I never existed.  This isn't a pattern I would have noticed as they have been with not just romantic relationships but also close friendships too and so far apart (many, many years apart) that I would never have picked up the pattern without finding LOA.  This started as a young child and I have revised those times that I remember, I don't know if I found the root of it but I don't think that matters as I revised the significant moments I do remember.

This pattern is what has happened now and I don't know what else I can do to turn this to my desired situation.  I have, and am, focusing on me feeling love, gratitude and joy.  Most of the time I think I feel natural/neutral but then I find myself thinking "oh, I wonder if this means x, y and z" and then I realise I wonder be asking that if I was actually in the place of having and the cycle starts again.

I ask myself questions that I don't seem to get the answers for.....I've asked the questions you have suggested in your videos like "what are you trying to teach me in this moment?", "what action do I need to take to bring my desire from 4D to 3D?", etc, etc.  

Of course I want my desire, 100% I do, but more than anything I want to feel stable and peaceful.  I want to be in that placing of just knowing it is done, there is nothing for me to do.  I fear failure and success.  I want to be with my person so much but I'm scared to hear from him too.

I think that's another thing I feel like I need to be 'doing' something to 'get' something and I know we aren't manifesting to get but I do want my desire and I understand that this is coming from a place of wating rather than having (as mentioned already).  I haven't found yet how to switch out of that despite doing techniques to help me get to that 'feeling' state.

I know I should relax and probably not doing anything which would be fine if my mind wasn't thinking about my specific person all day and because of that I feel like I need to monitor my thoughts so I'm not focusing on the unwanted.

I do allow my emotions, I cry if I need to, I don't try to squash down my unwanted thoughts and feelings, I sit with them.  Again I ask my higher self - "what is 'this' trying to show me, teach me, etc?" and I don't really get a reply.

I probably have more to ask but have run out of space so I'll let you respond before asking more if that's ok!?  Thank you

Comments

  • Jessica Connor, Ph.D.Jessica Connor, Ph.D.
    Hi Lorraine,

    Welcome to the forum! I'm happy to have you here.

    First, there is nothing 'broken' about you. There is nothing to 'fix.' We are each on our own journey of growth and discovery. Applaud yourself for doing that in a conscious manner! Not everyone has reached that conscious state just yet (although, they will). You are an intentional creator and that is a wonderful thing!

    I would also encourage you to let go of trying to love yourself the way others might, or trying to manifest this specific person. Simply find ways to love yourself in the way that feels good to you. When you create an authentic self-love, so many things begin to fall into place. Focus on YOU. What does Lorraine love to do? What brings Lorraine joy? Forget what you "should" be doing. That is efforting. Which parts of self-growth spark something in you that feels good? Do you like your affirmations? Do you enjoy meditation? Does a walk in nature inspire a deeper connection to your inner self? 

    When we get tangled up in the effort of doing things the 'right' way to get what we want, that can offer resistance. The process of creating is actually something we do naturally all day, every day. If you take a look at your current life and the things you have created, you might be able to trace back how they came to be. And that may show you how you are, in fact, the creator of your experience. 

    Of course you want your desire. That is perfectly natural. As creators, we always desire to create more. And that is a wonderful thing! My advice to you at this current stage is to take your time with this process. Create the intention that you are focusing on you and that you are finding ways to nurture who you are and what makes you feel good. You have only just signed up for these courses; give yourself a bit of a break. You have a lifetime of 'old' patterns that you are changing. That generally does not happen overnight, or even in a few weeks. Try to take it easy on yourself. You deserve this time for yourself. Let everything else go. As cliche as that sounds, I can promise you it is well worth it. When we do this, flow begins to happens and things begin to show up!

    Take your time with this sweet lady. Give yourself permission to flow with this process and focus on yourself. I guarantee you it will be well worth it! And if you have other questions, I'm more than happy to help! :)

    -Jessica 
  • Lorraine Trundell
    Thanks for your reply.  That is the thing, I have focused a lot on myself.  I know I've only just signed up to this course and I am working my way through it but I re-wrote my self image months ago and have been focusing on that.  I can't, and if I'm honest I don't want to, to let go of my specific person.  This is important to me.  I want to 'feel' that it is done and know that it is coming to me along with whatever else I desire....wealth, abundance, job, home, etc.

    I do like meditating although sometimes with these processes a lot is recommended to do first thing as you wake or last thing as you drift off and it can be overwhelming trying to decided which thing is the most important to do - meditate, script, visualise.  I feel like my bedtime routine starts at 8pm so I can be done at 10pm for sleep!!  It's not a terrible thing, I'd only be watching TV instead so working on myself doesn't feel bad but if I had my desire I would be spending time with that person not thinking about scripting or affirming for example.

    I like affirmations because I literally wake with them going through my head and if I'm at work I can do them and nobody knows, and so on.  I enjoy scripting because I find I visualise really well when I read for book - I can see the characters, hear them, etc so scripting and then reading it back does that for me rather than laying down to loop a scene which can sometimes leave me feeling agitated rather than relieved.

    The thing is, as I said above, I may have only just joined this particular course but I have been working with LOA for months and I really would have thought I would see some big things reflected back to me.

    I've read through a few of the posts on this forum, and in other places as well, and I see a lot of people saying they feel better for doing the work but no one seems to be saying they've had success with their main goal/desire.  Maybe that's because once people get their manifestation they don't comment or post because they are no longer looking for support?

    As I said, I didn't think my self concept was too bad in the first place and yes I had some things I needed to affirm for but I feel I have dominantly persisted in those.  In your Reinvent Yourself course you talk about "I will actively look for and gather evidence that my outer reflection is catching up to my new story and if nothing presents I will imagine that it already has anyway".  This is a new take on looking at the 3D which most coaches say you can't look for evidence because that manifests more looking.  However, if I am looking for evidence I can't say I've seen nothing at all because I have, but (there's that word again!!) there has been no evidence on my specific desire.

    Looking at my 3D potentially perpetuates more of the same, which I don't want.  So how do you turn your back on the unwanted but look for evidence of the new at the same time?

    What I want to let go of is the old story and everything about it.  When people say "live in your imagination, go within, it's the only truth, etc" I'm not sure how to live in my imagination and turn my back on the current 3D so I don't manifest more of the same.  I would like to start seeing real evidence (not butterflies and pink cars) of my manifesting power.

    I would love to see real evidence of 'there is no separation' which I think many people struggle with when it comes to people specifically i.e. if we want to see in a change in a loved one, friend, colleague, etc.  I think many people see others as separate to them and we're told that all the time that when we see anyone or anything as separate we are giving away our power.  So how to really see that no one is separate and we control our reality and how it's reflected back to us?

    Also, I know as a coach and on your YouTube channel you don't really talk about manifesting specific people and I understand why but from my experience I think most people find LOA because of a person, and then perhaps money after that.  If we can be, do and have anything and if we created our specific person to reflect back to us in a certain undesired way then why can't we recreate that just as easily.  One of the biggest quotes in LOA is that what you desire, desires you and you wouldn't have the desire if it wasn't meant for you.

    I know how I created my circumstance, I can see it clearly now in retrospect.  What I'm doing is recreating it and I want to stop that.  Many coaches I have come across will say even if you went for someone new that you don't even know you could potentially still have the same pattern occur because you haven't changed within yourself what needed to be changed to break it.  Potentially there would be less resistance with a new person but if all we can think about is a specific person then surely that desire is meant for us because that is what we are taught?  

    I have seen some comments say "I've been doing this for X number of years and I still don't have my main desire" which to my understanding means they haven't let go of the old story because again my understanding is that once you fully accept your new self image of 'having' rather than 'wanting' your desire is instant.  The length of "time" it takes to get a desire is more about how long it takes a person to accept it as true in their subconscious.  I want to avoid this.  I want to be a success story, I want to let go of the old story completely and completely take my focus away from the unwanted/undesired so that it dies.

    Thanks
  • Jessica Connor, Ph.D.Jessica Connor, Ph.D.
    Hi Lorraine,

    My suggestion is to put the focus on you for the time being. This is not to say you let go of your desired manifestation, but create the energetic shift within you to manifest it. 

    For your second question, I have a folder full of testimonials of people who have created success with my programs. In fact, just last week a gentleman who signed up for the Reinvent Yourself program sent me a picture of the luxury car he manifested (within a week) and told me of an 'out of the blue' meeting with a top leader in a trading firm that he manifested so he could learn more about being in that field. It just so happened to be the person he bought the car from. He got into complete alignment and created it. So, yes...this 'stuff' works! 

    In regards to your evidence comment, your brain searches for evidence all day every day to validate your beliefs and your story, and lines you up with those things as your experience. When you do this consciously, you take control of what your brain is focusing on. As a manifestation coach for over a decade, and as someone who manifests intentionally, I can 100% say to you that there is a science behind this and that it does work. I do not parrot what others say or live by their limitations; this is a daily lifestyle for me that I have studied intently and deliberately implement. 
     
    You look for small evidence initially. Maybe a smile from a stranger that shows you that you are creating positive connections. Or, a gesture from someone that shows you this. When I was house hunting, any time I saw a "for sale" sign in a yard I told myself that my perfect house was getting closer to coming into my reality. What does your brain associate a great relationship with? It could be as simple as seeing a couple that adores each other and knowing that just seeing this means your relationship is taking form. Keep it simple. There are tons of things you can positively associate with your manifestation on a daily basis. 

    When you train your brain to look for specific things, it will find those things and make them a part of your reality. I often say that it is all there in front of you already and that you are removing the veil between you and 'it' so you experience it in physical reality. The 'veil' is the parameters of your story and your belief systems. Changing that changes the experience. In looking for the evidence of this, you lift the veil. 

    I am acknowledging your other post and will answer it in a bit. 

    -Jessica 


  • Lorraine Trundell
    Thank you so much for your reply.  This makes sense and you are right about looking for evidence which, in the way you have described it, I realise I already do.  There are things I see, like your 'For Sale' sign example, that I automatically associate with evidence that I am doing it so the way you have explained it is perfect.  Also, that's a great idea about looking for smiles....I think that's about being more conscious and mindful which I have been doing a lot recently but then telling myself NOT to look for signs.  I think I was confusing myself but I am much clearer now.

    Also, it's great to hear about those 'big' successes - it's real inspiration and motivation.  What an amazing experience for that gentleman!!

    Thanks re: the other post too.  Thought I'd keep my questions to different areas in different posts as I work through the course.  Hoping they will also help others with similar queries and be easier to find under the relevant categories.


  • Shelia Thurman, LCSWShelia Thurman, LCSW
    Welcome Lorraine! It is wonderful to have you in our tribe. My name is Shelia, I work for Jessica. I hope I can be of help to you. I have a few pointers that I believe will be helpful. It's pretty simple really.

    It is important to be aware of our dominant emotions. Our thoughts and emotions are the energies that create. The first manifestation of thought is emotions. Emotions (energy in motion) are manifested energy formations that draw to us the next manifestation. Sometimes we think we are focusing on what we do want but really we are focused on the lack of it. Everything we want, we want because we believe we will be happy or content when we get it.

    Therefore, contentment, at a minimum, is the receiving mode. My suggestion is to be more playful with the manifestation tools. Pick and choose which ones feel good to you. We use the tools forever and the ones that feel good today may not be the ones that feel good tomorrow. Awareness of the laws around LOA is a lifestyle. As we practice we get better and better. Which is to say, things manifest in the physical dimension quicker. This is a process. Be mindful of your emotions, don't beat yourself up, be light and playful.

    Also, I don't know about attracting a specific person. It's all about energies lining up and momentum. What I do know is that the perfect person awaits you. You have asked, it is done. Now the job is to get into the receiving mode. That mode is an emotional state that feels good. We must make feeling good our priority. Nothing is more important than how we feel. And, how we feel is determined by what we think about. I hope this conversation was helpful to you. You are doing great, you are on the right path, you are powerful beyond your wildest imagination.

    Shelia ❤️
  • Lorraine Trundell
    Thank you for your response Sheila, nice to meet you, and thank you for the encouragement.

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