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I Hate People

Mark Patton
in General
Well... I do and I don't.  I just thought that headline would get your attention and looks like it worked.  So... I recently discovered something about myself and one of my major limiting beliefs - I really don't like people!  Which is strange for someone who's been in sales most of my adult life.  I did a little fill in the blank exercise and the results were a little upsetting, but were also a break through in discovering what's going on in my head.  Maybe this will help you too?  Fill in the blank - People are ____________ .

People are:  Mean, vindictive, untrustworthy

People will:  Hurt you, abandon you, take/steal from you, sue you, betray you, make you do things you don't want to do.

Obviously I think / feel this way because of experiences in my life.  I don't want to think / feel this way, but I do... intensely.
If I could choose, I'd choose to be different.  But it seems I can't.  it's automatic.   

I know people have great qualities as well.  They're good more than they are bad.  It's just the bad ones that hurt, torment, and scar you the most.

I put on a pretty good facade to do my job and make money, but the truth is...  If I don't know you, my initial feeling is I'm trying to figure out
how you're going to screw me over.  It's not good.  I don't want it to be like this.  I don't like it.

I know we all have experienced negative encounters with people.  We've all had bad break ups.  We've all had bad business deals.  We've all been stabbed in the back by someone we trusted.  

I don't have any friends... I mean REAL friends.  I have dozens of acquaintances, but other than my wife (of 26 years)  I don't completely trust anyone.   Is therapy on order?  Let me know what you think.  

MP

Comments

  • Kim Velez
    Hey Mark! Well yes it is true that people can hurt us or not hurt us but if you buy into the belief that you are creating the experiences in your reality then it makes sense that you have these experiences with people based on the beliefs of how they will hurt you etc. which then manifested in your life. When that happens repeatedly, it reinforces the negative belief about people and your experiences with them. You shared that you are aware of an alternative version of people than what you subscribe to- so that means you are aware of another side of people that are more pleasant. So, a few quick things- are you willing to forgive your past experiences with people who have hurt you? Are you willing to focus on gratitude for people in the world that are kind and loving? Are you willing to choose different thoughts you have about people ? Can you imagine a reality where the people in your life are loving and kind etc? If you answer yes to these then you can get off autopilot and choose to think and feel differently than previous. It will take practice and repetition but it’s so worth it so that you can create your world where you have more harmony, love, peace and trust with people. It’s all about our perspective. If we assume that everyone we meet is trying to hurt us then we will usually get that expected outcome. Also goes the other way as well- if we assume the best in people then our energy will align with the best of people and we will experience less encounters with people at lower energy. It start with you. Those types of assumptions and beliefs are at an energy that is aligning with a frequency of lower vibe interactions. When you shift your beliefs and energy you will experience a different frequency that is more favorable. Sometimes when we are angry at others - we are also upset with ourselves because we allowed or tolerated things with them we wish we didn’t? Just some points to think about. You seem like this is something you want to work on for yourself since you brought it up. So great job for sharing how you really feel and believe! The course will definitely help you work in shifting your belief system.
  • Jessica Connor, Ph.D.Jessica Connor, Ph.D.
    Hi Mark!

    I'm happy you shared this in the forum and believe others will find your openness quite helpful. 

    Kim's response is fantastic and I would like to add to it just a bit for a little more reinforcement.

    As I mentioned in my email to you, recognizing this and having the desire to change it is fantastic! I recommend starting from just that point. You know it's there. You know you want to feel and experience something different.

    One way to prime your brain for this (starting from this space) is by telling yourself such things as:

    I am finding ways to look for positive traits in others. 
    I am training my brain to see the good in all experiences.
    I am seeking out positive interactions each and every day.

    With repetition and dedication, these types of instructions will begin to put you in conscious control of that autopilot thing your brain does, as Kim mentioned.

    Another great way to do this is by asking yourself some questions. (Kim and I just had a great conversation about how powerful this is!)

    What if everyone I met offered something positive in my life?
    What would happen if the people I meet gave me a feeling of happiness, confidence and joy?
    What would it look like if people were always kind, supportive and loving towards me?
    How would my life look if I naturally attracted fun, understanding and happy people?

    In this way, you prime your mind to search for these things. The subconscious mind loves these types of questions because they give it a job to do. It likes to seek things out. In fact, it won't stop seeking out the answers to questions such as these until if finds evidence of such. And the more you do this, the more you open yourself up to "seeing" these things in your life through that lens.

    I hope this helps! Please let us know if you have any more questions about this!  Kim is right, the practice of this is sooo worth it! Life changing, in fact. :) 

    -Jessica 
  • Jessica Connor, Ph.D.Jessica Connor, Ph.D.
    A few more:

    What if most people are actually kind and well-intentioned?
    How would it look if I could easily trust people?
    What would happen if I lived in the present moment and gave everyone the benefit of the doubt?

    Just some suggestions. You may be able to formulate some questions that better suit your exact feelings and thoughts. 

    :) 

  • Kim Velez
    Love those questions Jessica!
  • Shaera HayesShaera Hayes
    Mark, that took guts to show some vulnerability. Excited to see how you progress.

    Tribe Leaders: seriously awesome feedback & guidance.
  • Shelia Thurman, LCSWShelia Thurman, LCSW
    Hey Mark, I just want to toss my dime in. When I hear someone say things like "I can't," "I don't" etc., I want to encourage them to delete those words from their vocabulary. When we say we can't, we are right. When we say we can, we are also right. Be easy with yourself Mark. You can do this. Your desire for change is palpable. Let us be gentle. You can do this, you are doing it, each day change becomes easier and easier.♥️
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