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Breaking old Habits

Kristin Day
in Healthy Living
Hi Ladies
May I please have some help with breaking a Habit Please?
This is a  Habit which is not great (and quite frankly I am ashamed of) and I default to it for all sorts of reasons
When I am sad 
When I am celebrating
When I'm bored
For comfort
And I have tried everything I know to break it
What can I do to break this ?
Any help would be greatly appreciated
( I have not really ever asked for help on this ...so here goes)
thank you for all of your help thus far
Kiki

Comments

  • Jessica Connor, Ph.D.Jessica Connor, Ph.D.
    Hi Kristin,

    Once again, you have pushed yourself outside of your old boundaries, establishing that you really are doing what it takes to create an intentional, abundant and joyous life! 

    This habit creates a reward (dopamine rush) for your brain. Below, I'm going to copy/paste some info from a video script I wrote about this and substitute a few words. This will hopefully explain to you how/why this occurs. And, once again, I will link a video for your understanding. 

    The brain develops habits based on what it considers to be a reward. One
    of the common features that all life possesses is a mechanism for maintaining
    orderly conditions. When the brain gets used to feeling a certain way due to
    the dopamine reward, it starts going there more and more, because it’s familiar
    and easy to get to, mostly because of what are known as synapses within the
    brain.


    If you teach your brain that the greater reward comes
    with delayed gratification, you can create new, automatic habits the bring you
    greater rewards. When we update the reward value of our behavior, we can easily
    create new habits that drive us towards success.

    To change a habit, you change the experience of
    the rewards you are getting from your behavior. In doing so, you create automatic
    behaviors that become habitual and drive you towards new, automatic and successful habits/outcomes. Oftentimes, our
    reward system is outdated. Ask yourself how rewarding your current behavior is
    when it comes to creating success in your life. If your answer is anything less
    than     very rewarding, it may be time to update the reward system you’re
    giving your brain. And when you do this, you teach your brain to create
    automatic success in your life.

    Process included in this video:



  • Kristin Day
    Thank You Jessica ...I knew it was a dopamine/ reward loop
    Ive worked so hard at changing old patterns and beliefs around this ..having not been nurtured or rewarded as a kid... it goes deep and I fully recognise that's why this happens
    And just to clarify ..Ive done the deep work on this to death ...do I still need to do more work here as well ...such as changing old decisions?
    Thanks again for your help!

    :\">
  • Kristin Day
     Hi Again!
     Would you please recommend the best meditation I can listen t to help this process
    this one was at the end of your video ..
    Thank you Kiki x
    Screen Shot 2021-03-24 at 7.44.20 am.png
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  • Jessica Connor, Ph.D.Jessica Connor, Ph.D.
    edited March 2021
    Yes, I personally love the process in that meditation and find it to be very helpful for creation purposes. I also believe the "Raise Your Vibration & Clear Negative Energy" meditation that came with the course will be very useful to you during this process. It is a great way to release everything/anything that may feel as though it is "weighing" you down.

    Also, have you tried to use the "Installing a Future Memory Into Your Creative Machine" technique from the course for this particular goal? The video states to use your "Big Goal" from the course, but this is a pretty powerful process that will help your subconscious mind understand that you have a new goal in mind where this (or anything else) is concerned. I highly recommend that visualization process!  Also, you may want to work on this with the "How to Clean Up Past Memories & Emotions That Block Success" video, as you mentioned your childhood. (You can nurture yourself now and myself and Shelia are here to support that. :) )

    I'm happy that you logically understand the dopamine/reward loop. Did you have a chance to listen to the pointers given in the video? I would encourage you to begin implementing those tips into your life in regards to your habit as reinforcement to the meditations and visualizations. 

    With these combined techniques (that can easily become a lifestyle way of thinking), I have no doubt that you will manifest new habits of your choosing in your life! Wanting to change something, and recognizing that now is the perfect time, already puts you halfway there. :) 
  • Kristin Day
     Thanks Jessica I used the installing a future memory this morning and I have used the Raising your vibration several times And I use the Cleaning up past memories constantly( Often I start with LH RH writing which really helps me pin point stuff ( Ive taught this in the past and find it very powerful)
    Yep Ive already Implemented  the pointers this morning
    BUT I am still struggling with SO much anxiety as I shift Boundaries
    I mentioned  the platform that I have, that  is creating abundant income for me ( and Others)and I shifted my focus and incorporated something new into mt BIG Goal...I really want to empower those that empower others IE I want to share this platform with people so that they have the resources to to their empowering work in a bigger way .God know we healers on the planet have struggled often to make ends meet...
    And I am always SO scared to put this put there and tell people about it I,m not really in touch with what I am imagining will happen but it is really creating massive discomfort ( Do  you have Any further suggestions ...Cos right now I just want to run and hide  and get looked after( thats probably a big clue for me)
    Thank you so much for your support xxx
  • Kristin Day
    P.S I did some RH ?/LH writing about 'asking' an along the way in the process discovered its because Im  also asking for something for me too
    After 2 pages of Processing I discovered a decision: "That it's  a 'given' that I don't 'get' ( so whats the point)
    So I'm going to work on that
    I'll keep you posted x
  • Kristin Day
    Wow! i just went back to where I made the decision  "That it was a given that I dont get "I was actually giving to my mother who was  in a place of chaos and condemned for what I did ..I saw and learned  how altruistic and helpful I am and I  that love to help ( and that her state of mind had nothing to do with what I was doing for her..)Ithink I was about 8 or 9..I finished it off with a Quantum feedback loop of gratitude for the gratitude that  others feel for me and the gratitude that I feel for them feeling that Gratitude for me( hope that make sense)
    I absolutely LOVE this process..it shifts the temporal perspective SO QUICKLY and is so Powerful!!
    Blessings!
     K x
    >:D<
  • Shelia Thurman, LCSWShelia Thurman, LCSW
    Yes, powerful! You are amazing Kiki. You are fully on the path. Love yourself no matter what. ♥️
  • Kristin Day
    Aaaand Again  ..after a Big process like this there is always sadness or anger or some emotional pain till I sleep  Is that normal or have i missed doing something...sometimes I just want to cry all day  and I often feel so so alone
     Thanks Sheila for your  comment! xx
  • Shelia Thurman, LCSWShelia Thurman, LCSW
    You're doing a good job Kiki. I want YOU to tell yourself that all the time. Everything, absolutely everything, is energy. You are a field of energy that contains a body. Your thoughts are what cause the energy to take form. There is no normal, there is only what is created via dominant thought streams. The first manifestation of thought is feeling. If I tell myself the story that "there is always sadness or anger or some emotional pain till I sleep," then I will be correct. Our words are powerful because they are used to project thought. Start right now soothing yourself to more neutral feeling thought states. When my emotions are uncomfortable I say things like this to myself:

    " I'm doing okay"
    "This is temporary"
    "It's all going to workout"
    "I'm surrounded by a host of nonphysical helpers"
    "I'm going to be alright"
    "I am the thinker of this sad or scary thought. I can think a different thought if I choose"

    I also use various prayers and affirmations as mantras.

    You got this Kiki. It takes practice to stay present, be aware of how you feel, then shift the feeling with a new thought. Be kind and loving to yourself. Talk to yourself as you would to a young child. This is powerful stuff I'm sharing with you. You got this, I promise. ♥️
  • Jessica Connor, Ph.D.Jessica Connor, Ph.D.
    edited March 2021
    Aren't Shelia's words powerful, Kristin?! "You are a field of energy that contains a body. Your thoughts are what cause the energy to take form."  WOOO EEEE, Shelia! Chills!

    I agree that nurturing your inner child will create an immense shift in your journey. I'll add a few affirmations to Shelia's:

    It is safe to go outside and play
    It is safe to feel good
    It is safe to feel loved
    It is safe to feel abundant
    It is safe to sleep peacefully
    It is safe to be naturally happy

    Create a dialogue with this inner you. Tell her everything is okay. Recreate the scenes that she experienced, offering her more positive interactions and circumstances. Begin to think and talk about her/you as if she has always had everything she's ever wanted, including complete nurturing. Allow her the space to come out and play without all of the serious stuff that was picked up along the way. You can let that go now. :) 

    You are right in the heart of a massive transformation! You don't have to relive those old scenes, merely reexperience them in a way that you prefer! 
  • Kristin Day
    Amazing!! Thank you fory ou beautiful Support.. Please see my post on 'Deep Healing and Deep gratitude"
    Much Love to you both xx<3
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